Breaking News! Jordan Peterson's Psychologist License Revoked for Being Too Helpful
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Benigo Montoya
 January 05 2023
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    Purportedly for posting inflammatory tweets deriding prominent politicians and pointing out the obvious in regard to plus-size models and trans actors, a College of Psychologists of Ontario (CPO) insider quietly admitted the real reason for the recent threat to revoke JP's license to psychologize.

    "He's being too helpful!" the insider quietly shouted. "Every since that bastard got famous, the number of people seeking professional counselling has been falling and falling. All over the place, people are standing up straight, putting their shoulders back and accepting responsibility for their lives. It's a disaster!" Chiropractors have also welcomed the move, saying that posture has improved so much they are losing money hand over fist.


    The CPO source continues: "It's not just the loss of clients. By being so effective, he's made the rest of us look really average. It's important people understand that it doesn't matter how many lives you change, how much you contribute to humanity's ongoing search for truth and meaning and all that - we're talking about our feelings here! A lot of us feel really hurt by his success."


    The plan is to discredit Peterson by drawing attention to his one weakness - impulsive twitter posts.


    Many people believe an irate Justin Trudeau to be behind this manoeuvre, given Dr. Peterson's repeated high quality burns of him. But this is a ridiculous conspiracy theory. It's well known that Prime Minister Trudeau's healthy narcissism makes him incapable of even perceiving criticism. "Jordan Peterson? Isn't he a comedian?" Trudeau was overheard to say at his most recent weekly birthday party.


    However, there is no doubt that this latest attempt at censuring the prominent Canadian has the backing of many powerful groups. From climate change activists to the originators of the food triangle, there are few ideologues who haven't been hurt by JP's reckless regard for the truth. A kind of eclectic collection of resentful Marvel Superheroes (or villains depending on your POV) is assembling, looking to make a new Avengers movie. But one has a feeling the ending may not go to their liking.


    Supporters of JP have flocked to his side offering sage advice, mostly stuff they got from him earlier. No doubt he will prove a formidable foe for the CPO in their heroic quest to safeguard the feelings and income of other psychologists (and chiropractors) suffering from his fame.


    Theodore B. Sudohnim, reporter


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