This is something that has been weighing on my heart for a long time. @OctaveOctave, Roger K, (another fellow ThinkSpotter who also writes poetry) and our dear friend Vince inspired me to write this little poem that I almost find describing a sort of “Male Sleeping Beauty Scenario.” I have been thinking about this for a few months now, unsure how to address the topic on Thinkspot.
Jordan Peterson states that naive women tend to pick partners with dark triad traits, if I’m not mistaken. Dark triad traits, as he states, mimic competence. I assume that men look for specific traits, too, maybe some of the same traits that could also fit criteria for difficult personality extremes, like BPD and NPD. Maybe some of these extremes in personality and associated consequences can also “mimic” traits that men desire. A great example could be plastic surgery, simulating youth and symmetry. Women who are drawn to plastics may be much more concerned with appearance in an almost toxic sort of way. What do you think?Anyway, I initially thought, when Jordan Peterson mentioned “naive,” that it meant unfamiliar. I’m not so sure it does. Men and women who are drawn to these partners can have siblings or parents with these characteristics as well, and they routinely must cope with these behaviors. They may see these traits as familiar, almost a false sense of “safety.” I see now, that this could fit into the umbrella of “naivety,” if adequate mental health intervention is never addressed or provided for these individuals in childhood and young adulthood. My husband has a friend named Vince who appears to fit this dynamic. Vince recently lost his sister, who I think suffered from BPD and possibly manic depression (due to suicide). Vince, to this day, suffers mentally in a tumultuous relationship with an older woman exhibiting dark triad traits and instability, behaviors that don’t seem “outlandish” in his own experience, but seem so to both my husband and I. Vince is “naive,” in this way. Our hearts break for Vince. He can’t seem to break it off. When Jackie comes to visit, I will spend time with her while my husband spends time with Vince. Jackie’s absolutely fascinating, I love to talk to her, however, she’s likely on her best behavior for me. My husband always chuckles when I spend time with her, he knows I’m slow to trust women (I have a small group of close friends I am grateful for). He asks me, “Why are you so cautious with people, but of all people, you don’t mind spending time with Jackie?” I laugh and give him a Maps-of-Meaning-inspired short answer: Jackie is explored territory.
Your friend Jackie,
Jordan Peterson states that naive women tend to pick partners with dark triad traits, if I’m not mistaken. Dark triad traits, as he states, mimic competence. I assume that men look for specific traits, too, maybe some of the same traits that could also fit criteria for difficult personality extremes, like BPD and NPD. Maybe some of these extremes in personality and associated consequences can also “mimic” traits that men desire. A great example could be plastic surgery, simulating youth and symmetry. Women who are drawn to plastics may be much more concerned with appearance in an almost toxic sort of way. What do you think?Anyway, I initially thought, when Jordan Peterson mentioned “naive,” that it meant unfamiliar. I’m not so sure it does. Men and women who are drawn to these partners can have siblings or parents with these characteristics as well, and they routinely must cope with these behaviors. They may see these traits as familiar, almost a false sense of “safety.” I see now, that this could fit into the umbrella of “naivety,” if adequate mental health intervention is never addressed or provided for these individuals in childhood and young adulthood. My husband has a friend named Vince who appears to fit this dynamic. Vince recently lost his sister, who I think suffered from BPD and possibly manic depression (due to suicide). Vince, to this day, suffers mentally in a tumultuous relationship with an older woman exhibiting dark triad traits and instability, behaviors that don’t seem “outlandish” in his own experience, but seem so to both my husband and I. Vince is “naive,” in this way. Our hearts break for Vince. He can’t seem to break it off. When Jackie comes to visit, I will spend time with her while my husband spends time with Vince. Jackie’s absolutely fascinating, I love to talk to her, however, she’s likely on her best behavior for me. My husband always chuckles when I spend time with her, he knows I’m slow to trust women (I have a small group of close friends I am grateful for). He asks me, “Why are you so cautious with people, but of all people, you don’t mind spending time with Jackie?” I laugh and give him a Maps-of-Meaning-inspired short answer: Jackie is explored territory.
Your friend Jackie,
She’s my friend, too
I’m sorry for pain that she’s put you through
See, Jackies familiar, I know her, I do
I know that she’ll hurt me, I know that it’s true
I’m never surprised, by what she can do,
Cuz Jackie’s the devil, that I know, I do
We can talk about Jackie, in circles, we can
But Jackie will trick you, again and again
She’ll try to trick you-but she can’t trick me
I expect that she’ll hurt me, inevitably
I refuse all of her gifts and I lock up my room,
I don’t let her enter in late afternoon
You say Jackie’s so pretty and Jackie’s so smart,
But that’s not your ending, that’s only your start
Your friend Jackie, she’s my friend, too
I know what she’s doing, I know it, I do
I know things that she says, they could just be lies
I know she’ll betray us, it’s not about whys
She once was a harlot, now thousands in debt,
but Jackie will say things you’ll never forget
Yes, she’s artistic, and sure, she is brave
But that’s not a comfort, a comfort I crave
Your friend Jackie, she’s my friend too,
Let Jackie go, she’ll let go of you
They call her a con, a manipulative master
But Jackie’s familiar, I read her much faster
Once you’ve forgiven, you’ll never forget
And you’ll thank her later, no longer upset
Cuz Jackies a teacher, and Jackies a snake
And my friend Jackie, she chose, you, to wake
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